妻のために曲を作りました。

 

 心を込めて作りました　

妻の反応ですが、とても喜んでいました

9年前

On the `Upside of Stress`

 Now I've read almost half of the 'Upside of Stress', written by Kelly McGonial. Her book became the worldwide best seller, and I saw Japanese translation of this book in the bookstore nearby, and bought the original one on e-Bay.

Still not figuring out the entire book but would like to write my reaction at this point.

It is interesting yet cannot fully grasp this way of recognizing stress is really correct or not. In my understandings the `stress`, itself is not the only factor which appears in front of the perception of individuals but it is a concocted entity with... such as `humiliation`, `physical threat`, et cetra.

For many trivial `stressful` scenes, as she described, the stress can work better and improve your compassion(oxytocin) and might be able to grow people up... but my concern was more taproot ones, such as the mental abuse, humiliation, etc. In many cases, for example the situation such as people being subject to the harassment which can contain the verbal abuse, humiliation could demolish the self-esteem of the individual. Often, the conservative society criminalize the guy who say what he/she thinks directly. Such splendid opinion could be a threat to the already existing community such that he/she is blatantly humiliated and under attack to the degree that the guy is completely discouraged to say something he thinks right.

The high mortality rate, in the long history, such as the exploitation of the kids in 17th centuries or slavery, any sort of exploitation on individuals DID strengthen or, it also could be thought as the procedure of the selection, which means the devastating stress which actually harmed people, killed and harmed so many individuals but only the people who endured it survived.

Let me remind you of the Trump family. Fred was definitely a sociopath and abused his children with indifference and verbal attacks to humiliate them, especially when they ask for mercy and love. The older son Freddy, who was treated as (even by his younger brother Donald) as worthless BLACKSHEEP, who was addicted to liquor and went mad, for instance laughing and pointing gun at his former wife. It was insane but Freddy was the most generous boy in the family. The abuse of his father just crushed his personality.

On the other hand Donald was a good example who strengthen himself (or optimized himself) to this continuous stress and abuse. He learned how to lie, how to deceive others and how to show himself strong, how to abuse others (be a killer). So the reaction to the stress was to get rid of his compassion.

So this is my point of view but, of course we biologically are subject to the placebo effect such that if we believe in that `okay if this external stress was not really harmful but it is benefitial to us` can work better, however, at the same time human is not that strong. If he is publicly humiliated, his self esteem is at stake and it means it is going to bring any psycological damage to him.

Therefore, there might have to be another factor to think of, to convert the stress to the benefits. This is, I think first to learn to fight back or to learn to cope with the society, even though you never forget the fact that you have once been humiliated. This cannot be productive but this is also fine.

Also, you can redirect the humiliation, as a form of violence to something else. Maybe you can do boxing or watch gang film, eat a lot (self destructive though), or put those frustration into music, picture, poem, writings, or any other form. I think people can cope with stress to fight back to it in any way, or, keep distance is also the important behavior to protect your health.

Probably, also you can find someone whom you can look down on on TV or in your real life... so my point is how to cope with the stress or external threat, humiliation, etc, cannot be always CLEAN, and I think this is sort of the human nature. This is part of the biggest factor of comedy, such as some people watching the bum fight or laugh out on the comedians acting stupid and humiliating himself.

This could be existential problem human being is facing with. Some people are positive, some people are not. Non positive people also can be productive in society in some sort, if he/she can use that stigma into art or something.

Or, maybe the history tells you that religion functions well for this, probably more than the psychology, for example, Christianity tells you to forgive others, `Lord, forgive our sin as well as we forgave others` implies the fact that forgiving (get out of bitch) reduces the stress and stigma caused by the grudge (this, as Psalm describes can contain humiliation as well). The fact that people. for thousands of years suffered from the threat or humiliation means that you are not alone, which might bit helps people black sheeped to be incarcerated in their low(ered) self esteem. Definitely, you are not alone... and mostly outliers are under attack but it does not mean that outliers deserves to be humiliated because not being outliers mean you are nothing but the boring standard deviation.

Buddhism's approach is uniquely different since it teaches you to turn off your ego and subsequently your perception, emotion(al upset), et cetra. The christianity teaches you to rely on the sovereign God (or thing-in-itself) and to some extent change the world relying on the divine will, but on the other hand the eastern religion tells you to be NONE (VOID). If you succeeded to be NONE then you are free from feeling anything, which also includes the suffering. (Octal Agony).

Humans are weak as existence and therefore they, in the long history found out that (to speak in secular) religious belief benefits and saves a lot of suffering individuals from the purgatory.

Also religion can have function to serve you the community in which, completely different from the capitalist context, are not required to be productive in general, so that you are going to be accepted just for you being there (at least in theory).

Of course since those religious community is also run by the people (who supposed to believe in the religious protocol), it is not that rare that people joined there are disappointed by the reality, corruption, nasty things in these community.

Actually I was disappointed my dad's, but saved by the one whom I thought I can respect.

Yeah... just a random thought.

on 'a priori'

Sometimes I wonder about the terms a priori and a posteriori,  both of which stands originally for the philosophical term created by Immanuel Kant (and I believe it is in Critique of the Pure Reason).

To describe my personal experience with regard to these terms, I tend to rely on a priori,  which could diminish the original meaning of the term but if it is paraphrased as 'the insight/conclusion induced from any sort of reasoning, irrelevant to the knowledge or experience', then it can be articulated that I relied too much on a priori and underestimated a posteriori. 

For instance as a developer, in several startups (it is almost more than several years ago but), I was totally immature such that read a few technical books (mainly read ordinary books. though) and thought I could get over any complicated issues. One of my biggest sin is I did not spend my private time learning tech stuff, indifferent to the news or politics (or had interest in really limited or skewed way), though was overly confident that 'I can conclude/decide anything'. So in short I judged things which i didn't have any idea. This was totally ignorance, yet could be taken as sort of a priori,  since the engine or mindset to make me conclude things on any subject, whether it is technical stuff or not, was coming from the logics or anything I got in my university education.

I knew how to reason.

It made me much better than the people who judges things or people with poor reasoning skills, but still this a priori caused harm on my intelligence and therefore, my productivity as well. Though I learned a lot about coding, and its philosophy, devops things, part of Haskell(purescript),  Unix, GPG, et cetra, my learning curve presumably looked poor and I could blame myself that time. I always felt anxious, feel inferior, compared with the hacker kids or genious I worked with who are much much younger than me, also, in Hacker News meetups or any international dev meetings, my lack of knowledge on any tech subjects (or more business level) elicited contempt from anyone I met with.

I was really immature at those days. Partially it was, at that time in my mindset the notion that 'I wanted to be an artist(cartoonist). This is not my job. I, since my childhood was not good at understanding people's conversation and language processing, I drew pics and created music, so this job is not what I really wanted to do...' or any kind of excuse to justify my current misery. Yet, most of the time it did not work. As of now, I am confident in my developer skills as well as that of art. If any of you who is not confident in their performance, if you keep doing it and suffer enough, you definitely can get skill.

Of course, in my almost decade developer career, I saw tons of incompetent workers. But let me skip the precise description on them since it is off the topic, but it meant (at least I observe) I functioned well. I finished a lot of big projects. 

So in most of the cases, we do not need to humiliate ourselves but still, the undermining the importance of  `knowledge` is fatal to your productivity and also the QOL. Except in some really exceptional cases in which community anyone arounds you accepts who you are with who you are, usually you are judged by your ability, skills, or the ability to exaggerate your value. Usually most of the incompetent guys achieve this goal by humiliating/threatening others. (I saw many of these people in my decade career).

So the survival strategy, almost in 90% of the cases is how much you spent your time studying new things. Books are the easiest way to achieve the credible sources, rather than that of the Internet since Internet is the aggregation of fractions of trustworthy and untrustworthy data, the way how these comes into your sight is not according to how worthy/qualitative these information is, but how you are targeted by the vicious corporations (something like the crappy YouTube commercial (esp. in Japan) trying to sell you the garbage books written by garbage authors promoted by garbage people contaminates the Internet platform so in the totalitarian regime they should be absolutely executed for the public good) and economical gain, supported by the platform which don't give any shit about the benefit of users.

So, in the 21st century, the intelligence relies on a priori is almost a sin, and you can be ignorant person being exploited by corporation, with the digital profiling backed by machine learning algorithms.

We need more `a posteriori`, need more diverse `credible` sources, need to contact and communicate groups of people before alienating and antagonizing them, need to collect (non twisted) multiple data to conclude or have any opinion on anything.

In any gigantic online platforms, such as YouTube, Facebook Twitter, 4CH, Yahoo news's comments, you see tons of  retarded people speak out nonsense discloses how they don't learned things in their entire life. And people who does not deserve to speak out also have an opportunity to speak out, which caused so many online bullying such as Hana Kimura's suicidal death, even though partially it was the responsibility of the media who agitated, but the online platform must not allow non intelligent people have effect on others, which is not good for the public. (It is toxic and devastating).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 20 is the historical day that online gang-banging to brainwash the people does not work. Mostly we saw that many crappy a-priori combined with reek a-posteriori amplified and spread fake news drove Q-Anon or any other idiots to try insurgencies, as Russia wanted, failed.

Hope democrats to tackle with especially on global warming, stopping `egoism` pandemic which can agitate the third world war. Discrediting Joe Biden campaign ended with the miserable failure. Rest in Peace FOX news, and the alt right's acclaim that `Hey, liberals are hypocrite` does not work since justifying sabotage on Paris Treaty or racism is 100 times worse than hypocrisy.

「宗教は弱い人間がやる」という意見について

 「宗教は弱い人間がやる」という意見について

この意見は、基本的には「無知」ないし「誤解」がベースになっていると思っている。多くの場合、無知や決めつける判断をする主体の知性というのは極めて限定的である。例えば、

集合 U がある。（U > 0）

集合 U に属している個体Aがある　（A ∈ U）

集合 U に属している集合Bがある　（B ∈ U）

集合 U に属している残りの集合Cがある （C ∈ U, U - (B + A) = C）

この場合、仮に

個体Aが属性Dであった　（ A.p == D, p = property ）

ときに、通常は B.p == D, C.p == D とはそのまま導き出すことはできない。

これは極めて簡単な初等数学である。

つまり、

A.p → U.p とはならないし、ゆえに

A.p → B.p ともならない。

それを導くためには、もっと複雑な調査、処理が必要だからだ。

さて、実際のケースに当てはめてみよう。

アルカイダの数人(B)が、9.11テロ（D）を起こした (B.p == D)

これをSNSで見た人間が、

イスラム(U)って、テロの犯罪者(D')だね (U.p == D' : D ~ D')

と結論づけることは詭弁·誤謬·倒錯である。

その他にも、

スーパーフリーの和田さん(B)が、性犯罪（D）を犯した (B.p == D)

早稲田(U)って、やばい(D')ね (U.p == D' : D ~ D')

おまえ早稲田なの？(A) やばい(D')ね (A.p == D' : D ~ D')

また、

ある黒人(B)が、暴力を（D）を犯した動画がSNSで流れてきた (B.p == D)

これだから黒人(U)って、差別されてもしょうがないって思っちゃう(D')ね (U.p == D' : D ~ D')

また、

中国共産党(B)が、国家総動員法（D）を作った (B.p == D)

日本にいる中国人(U)って、雇ったらだめだ(D')よね (U.p == D' : D ~ D')

（政府(B)＝個人(U)ではない）

また、

SNSの動画のバイデン(B)が、ハレンチな行為をしている（D） (B.p == D)

バイデン(U)って、大統領にしちゃダメ(D')よね (U.p == D' : D ~ D')

（B... SNSの動画だけ切り取っていて、ニュースもその他書籍も資料も一切当たっていない、最悪、英語一切できない）

（U... 多くの人間がバイデンに投票した理由であるところのバイデン（政策含め））

このように、その個人に基礎的な数学的な思考（まんまIQと言い換えてもいいが）が備わっていれば、このようなバイアスから少しでも自由になることが可能である。

では、本題に戻ろう。

宗教（U) は　弱い人間がやる（D)ものなのか？

答えは、

弱い人間（B)にとって、宗教はよすがである（D')。(B.p == D')

もう少し掘り下げていこう。

精神疾患を発症している人(X)は、脆弱な状態にある（＝弱い）(B') (X.p == B')

精神疾患を発症していない人（Y)は、比較的強い状態(N)である（＝強い） Y.p = N

すると、

宗教をする人(U)は、全員精神疾患を患っているか(X)について、(U ∈ X ~ B)

Y ∈ D' が成立するので（Obamaは？Trump(福音派キリスト教)は？瀬戸内寂聴は？フリードリヒ二世は？アメリカ建国の父は？リンカーンは？靖国神社の職員は？）

宗教（U)をしている人が弱い（B)のではなく、

弱い人間にとって宗教は支えである。(B.p == D')

という部分的な事実があるだけである。

また、世界には　「強い人間と」「弱い人間」があるわけではなく、

「強くみせている人間」と「強い人間」の二通りがあり、より後者のほうが自分に自信があり、ツイッターなどで承認欲求を満たすために常駐することもなく、他者に対して寛容である。

出口治明さんが言っていたが、「国語のみで思考する」と「言葉に発する＝＝事実」のような錯覚をするが、実際ものを考えるというのは数学的な考え方が非常に重要になっている。

なので、宗教に対するなにかしらの偏見は、本人の数学的な知性の欠如だったり、教養の欠如、勉強不足によるところが大きい。

まあそんなかんじで、だらだらとしゃべってみた。

Sometimes creating your own compiler (a.k.a sort of parser) helps you solve nasty bug which compiler does not catch.

Today I developed a software in which tons of data fields are going to be added.  Usually, compiler does catch your fatal logical error (such as calling the method not defined in specific class object).

However, Groovy language is often tricky since it is implemented semi-type-based (and semi-script).

This means, it compiles even though it is not legitimate in  coding level (and even in python or any other normal language, the compilation error must be raised). For instance,

enum SomeGroovy {

ELEM1(ClassA.class, "method1"),

ELEM2(ClassA.class, "method2"),

        ...

ELEMk(ClassA.class, "methodk"),

ELEMk+1(ClassA.class, "methodk+1"),

        ...

}

and this class is almost totally 400-500 lines long, filled with this convoluted enum element fields.

The other program calls this class with (I believe it is) reflection of something, and set the SomeGroovy's each enum elements with each ClassA.methodX is filled in as instances.

But...

One day I found Groovy raises the following error:

tons of java stacks....

the class SomeGroovy cannot be initialized.

What the hell? I tested `grails compile` and there is no compilation error, but somehow this happens.

Since my feature branch changes dozens of files (since those are dependent each other), I thought the postmortem on this should be appropriately managed with Git operation as:

$ git diff --name-only develop | tee revert.sh

then, edited revert.sh such that

git checkout develop file1

git checkout develop file2

git checkout develop file3

git checkout develop file4

...

to make it purely as same as that of develop branch, at the same time you can find out which files you've reverted with git status command, then recover each file one by one, running test (which failed) per each.

then, I found out that SomeGroovy enum class is the culprit of this entire mess, yet still it was so hard to detect the cause because the stack trace, error message, does not show nothing.

Okay, then we can conclude that:

Groovy compiler SUCKS. 

and this is the only complaint, and devs ends with complaining is not tech savvy, nothing but incompetent issue consumer.

So I thought:

Okay, then let's make a semi-compiler for this SomeGroovy enum class.

I create the compiler script as follows: (it doesn't implement no algorithm, no Graph algorithm is included, just a miniature crap, so do not compare it with any other compiler as gcc or sth).

Let me obfuscate the code bit for I don't want to disclose no company specific ones:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#!/usr/bin/env python3

import sys 

import re

file = "/something/ClassA.groovy"

f = open(file, 'r')

lines = f.read()

xs = []

for x in lines.split('\n'):

    x = x.replace("/", "").strip()

    if(re.compile("^(String|EnumFieldElement|Integer|float|SelectOption|Date)\s").match(x)):

        xs.append([x.strip() for x in x.split(' ') if x != ''][1])

file = 'something/SomeGroovy.groovy'

f = open(file, 'r')

lines = f.read()

ys = []

yes = []

no  = []

for x in lines.split('\n'):

    if(re.compile(".*\(.*Data.*").match(x)):

        x = x.replace("/", "").strip()

        ys = [[y.replace('"', "").strip().replace(")", "").replace('.class', '') for y in x.strip().split(',') if y != ''] for x in x.split('(') if x != ''][1]

        if(ys[0] == 'FixedData'):

            if(ys[1] in xs):

                yes.append(ys)

            else:

                no.append(ys)

for y in yes:

    print(f"YES: {y}")

for y in no:

    print(f"NONE: {y}")

f.close()

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this code has sort of duplication and the verbosity is nasty but I don't care. This is an improviso and nothing but an auxiliary script.

But impact of this script is huge!

Once I run this script, I saw that:

YES: method1

YES: method2

YES: method3

YES: method4

.....

NO: method(k)

NO: method(k+1)

then you found out the culprit. Once I commented out the NO's part in the enum file, regression fixed!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion:

Coding in IDE is fancy, but it at the same time it makes people bit difficult to summon various

languages and make tiny scripts to make your life easier. Especially for Perl, Python or even Ruby,

 these script can help you write an easy script to supplement the crappy compiler which never catches the fatal language-logic level error. Since in middle-sized or mega IT corporation there is already politics there, and almost it is impossible for you to change nothing. But, there are always the way to get along with it. (Oh, this is why startups are always comfortable for the high performer!!!)

小説「美人」

 ※この作品はフィクションです

千葉県郊外に小さな町があり、コンビニにも車を使わないといけないような辺鄙な場所であった。猪俣浩子は高校3年で受験を控えていた。兄は受験に失敗して浪人を志しており、成績優秀な浩子に多少のわだかまりを感じてはいたが、自身をメタ認知し内省の力の強かった彼は表立ってその微かな、しかし根深い憎悪をみせることはなかった。

浩子はいわゆる美人であった。美人という定義はおそらくは、何かしらの標準偏差を表す概念であって、きわめて主観的なものである。例えば、女性のいう美人ほど当てにならないものはないし、時代によって美人も多少は変わる（オードリー·ヘップバーンなどは違うけれど）。浩子の顔はいわゆる目の大きく切れ長で、小さいが精巧なガラス細工のように間違いのない、控えめな鼻梁と薄くて意地悪な口。そしてその一見無特徴で、近所のクソガキに一人はいそうな、つまりアジア男児っぽい泥臭い整った顔が、女性として血が通い若いエネルギーが満ち満ちてはち切れそうなその感じに、悪魔的な美しさを感じるのであった。

それは美であったが、美であると同時にリビドーを強烈に刺激する意地の悪い「耽美さ」であり、１０代というプラットフォームに後押しされて、街ゆく男性に煩悩を植え付けるのであった。

「そういうわけで」

浩子は食べかけのじゃがりこのカップの淵に人差し指をあてがい、目を細めて兄に囁いた。

「私東大めざすから」

事実、浩子は異常に優秀であった。５教科はほぼ満点で、体育も外さなかった。このパーフェクトな女子は、趣味もパーフェクトであった。彼女は日本拳法をやっていた。

日本拳法は日本古来の総合格闘技と呼ばれている。入門する際に浩子は心得のような冊子を渡された。そこにはこう書いてあった。

「日本の繁栄に貢献し、世界の繁栄に貢献すること」

後者は建前、前者は本音だろうと彼女は思ったけれども、そういうことはわりとどうでもよかった。彼女は自身の生まれ育った国家を、まるで家族のように愛していた。それは多少は排外的な感情（これは両親の影響もあったが）に加え、彼女は優秀であるがゆえに日本の文化歴史に親しむようになっていた。

だが、これもまた、彼女にとっては建前の理由であった。本当は彼女自身が、自身の弱さを克服したかったという動機性が一番強かったのだ！

なぜか？

おそらく人はこのような疑問を問うであろう、

「なぜ一輪の美しい花が力を持つようになるのか？」

これは薔薇の心理である。弱く美しい彼女のような存在には、「存在しているだけでかかる」大きな負荷が存在した。

周りの人間の目や態度。

男性の多くから、彼女は事実愛された。まるでお姫様のように、多くの男が彼女にかしずいた。

だが、それはあくまでも華やかな一面である。

美しくない女。

ちょっとだけ美しい女。

自我の強い、古い女。

女を見下したい男。

多くの場合、彼女の「存在そのもの」が、彼女以外の多くの人間にとって脅威となった。

彼女自身は何一つ作用を起こしていないのに、自動的に多くの悪意·敵意·憎悪が向けられる。

「こいつよりも上になりたい」

「なにか理由を作ってこいつをこきおろしてやろう」

多くの場合、彼女は静かで外野から判別しにくいイジメの格好の標的となった。

彼女には力が必要であった。

それは他者を屈服させる力ではない。

他者を屈服させるには、日本語を上手に操り、うまく相手を貶め、自分が優位になる、というそういうゴミのような技術にいかに固執するかに（この法治国家においては）かかっているが、

肉体的な力は、「自分自身の克服」であった。

基本的な型の練習を1000回も、10000回も繰り返す。

前拳。そして後拳。

前拳は、ボクシングでいうとジャブに該当するが、下半身がボクシングと大きくその思想を異にしていた。

日本拳法では古武術の足の動きを用いるので、前拳は腰をひねって後ろ足を開く。この際に首や体の軸が動いてはならない。

後ろ拳も基本的に体の軸を中心として180度体を動かし、この際後ろ足の親指にちかい腹を中心に足から胴体、と回転させる。

この際に、腕を意識してはならない。

ボクシングのワンツーがシンプルでありかつ難易度が高い、重要性の高い技術であるのは、この「腕を使わない」パンチが一番速く効果的であることによる。

パンチのときに腕を意識しない。

拳に力は入れない。

拳は当てる瞬間に握るが、握り方も手首をおってはいけないので全てを一直線上にする。

その地味な反復のあとに、空乱をやるときもあるが、総重量１０kgある防具をつけて、乱取りを行うのであった。

日本拳法は防具をつけるから打たれ弱い、などという詭弁が流布されているが、

１０kgつけてフォークダンスのように次々と（各１分）乱取りをやるというのは相当大変なことである。

女の浩子はなおさら、初めは息が持たない。

やりはじめ、はじめて１：１の試合を許してもらえた時、試合のあとにとうとう耐え切れなくなって地面に転がった彼女に師匠からの厳しい怒涛の一声があった。

「そこ！寝ない！」

武道は「強さを誇示する」営みではない。

武道は「強くなる」営みであり、それは生活の中に組み込まれる「思想」のようなもので、武道を身につけると体に対する考え方、体の思想が変わってくる。

自分に対しての「錯覚でない」自信がそなわったとき、彼女は治安の悪い夜道も歩けるようになった。

あるとき、酔っ払いに絡まれ、掴まれそうになったことがある。

その際も、一瞬で彼女の脳幹は、彼女に何をすべきかを教え、受けによって酔っ払いの試みは失敗に終わった。

ただ、この強さは、さらに、彼女の周りの「弱い雄」たちの警戒心を引き出すことになる。

弱い雄が、自分に対して、「自分が自分である」という理由によってマウントをとってくる、という事象に対し、

「こいつ、強制終了させてぇ....」

と強く憎悪と殺意を感じるようになったが、

それを克服し、自分自身を制御すること、それが、「武」の本質なのであった。

そして、その強さは、その自己制御の力は、

学業にも生かされることになる。

そして、彼女はもうすぐ、受験に臨む。

がんばれ浩子！

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